SINGAPORE: The recent incident of a NUS dentistry student receiving a community-based sentence after strangling his ex-girlfriend in her own home, drew an outcry from many women’s groups in Singapore.

In a bid to revive their relationship which ended after two years, Yin Zi Qin, 23, met the victim and together they entered her bedroom by climbing into her window from an adjacent showroom unit. 

When the victim declined to revive their broken relationship, Yin strangled her until she blacked out on the floor.

In another case that went before the courts in January this year, a former student at Yale-NUS College admitted to taking intrusive pictures of his female flat mates. 

He said that looking at naked pictures of the women helped him destress from the academic pressure he felt.

Like many fathers of daughters, my heart went out to the victims. But the latest incident also made me look at how I am raising my two sons when it comes how they treat women.

A FATHER’S INFLUENCE

Global research has shown that active fathering positively influences a child’s social, emotional and cognitive development. 

Children whose fathers are highly involved across diverse activities – such as eating together, helping with schoolwork and going on family outings – exhibit fewer child behaviour problems, and higher levels of sociability and academic performance, a study by American sociologists, Jane Mosley and Elizabeth Thomson found.

Adolescents who feel close to their fathers are also less likely to engage in delinquent behaviour or experience emotional distress according to the Journal of Marriage and Family.

READ: Commentary: Why would anyone steal underwear – and flout circuit breaker restrictions to do that?

READ: Commentary: Here’s what zero tolerance towards sexual misconduct looks like

Women’s groups have highlighted the importance of raising boys to respect women through education. But for me, the real lessons are learnt when a child watches how his mother, sister or other women around him are treated by the men in their lives.

When men at home treat women like they are equally worthy and valued as people with needs, feelings, intelligence, skills, and power, their sons are much more likely to grow up doing the same, a 2018 article in Psychology Today argued.

This was something I too had to learn.

In my younger years, I used to be less inhibited and careless with my words. There were times when I would use unkind words on my wife at the dinner table. It took me a long while to realise the adverse effects this behaviour had on my children.

When I realised how harmful this was, I became more conscious of the words I used, the tone I took and resolved not to put down my wife, even in jest.

LEARNING HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT RANCOUR

I used to wonder why marriages in the movies always seemed so perfect, and mine was filled with conflicts I was ill-prepared to handle. It took me more than a decade of working through disagreements with my wife to understand such instances served to help us appreciate one another better and draw us closer as a couple.

In working through these differences, we have come to a few simple rules: We will try our best not to argue in front of the children. And if I lose my cool in a disagreement, I will do my best to apologise and seek reconciliation.

In doing so, I prioritised harmony in my home. And this is what I tell my children – the importance of maintaining good relationships depends on the extent we have to go to work on them.

READ: Commentary: All this anger over voyeurism but what we need is respect

My sense is that even though my children are young, by watching my wife and I, they appreciate what strong relationships look like – and see that while they are not perfect, they are always centred on respect for each other.

It also helped that I have a community of fathers around me that held me accountable for the state of my marriage, and modelled for me how to love and respect my wife in all circumstances with their own honest sharing.

This is another powerful lesson I took from this journey. Men, like women, can and should have the avenues to share personal highs and lows. It makes us better as fathers and sons too.

READ: Commentary: When parenthood comes knocking, life never the same again no matter what route got you there

LEARNING NOT TO OBJECTIFY WOMEN

In recent cases of violence towards women and sex crimes that end up in court, there seemed to be a pattern of perpetrators objectifying women and resorting to violence when things do not go well in their relationships.

Mr Yin also had demonstrated a loss of control after facing rejection. He had hit his own head against the wall when she declined to continue their relationship. He admitted he was upset before he proceeded to strangle her.

Objectification is part of a harmful sexualisation process being forced onto our girls, which according to the American Psychological Association is a leading cause of sexual violence against them.

It usually takes the form of sexual comments about women or jokes about their looks or body parts. It may seem harmless, even trivial, but can be an insidious way boys learn to disrespect women. We must consciously avoid that kind of talk as men.

We need to move away from this conditioning that objectifies people of the opposite sex and plays up assumed gender-specific roles. When it comes to my three children, I am mindful not to discuss about their physical attributes, but to emphasise their qualities that deserve praise.

I would commend them for being loving, joyful, good, kind, gentle, faithful, patient and possessing self-control. In our home, we have a chart to track such behaviours and we would reward our children appropriately.  

EQUIPPING FATHERS

We have to acknowledge none of this is easy. As with everything else, we need resources, support and encouragement. It is hard for us to talk to our children about relationships for instance so how do you share your view about sexuality and relationships?

This is especially tough when the way we were raised is different from the world our children live in.

When our children return home with relationship issues, fathers (and not just mothers as a default) can create a safe and conducive environment where tough conversations can happen. If our children feel unconditionally loved and accepted, they may be able to talk about such episodes more openly.

We cannot shield our children from heartbreak, but we could certainly build their sense of personal resilience by affirming them, and making them feel more secure in who they are, and how much they are loved in the family, so that they learn emotional self-control.

Apart from demonstrating love, empathy and affirmation, fathers could engage in emotion-coaching to model how to overcome adversity.

READ: Commentary: Terms like ‘lucky boy’ and ‘men will be men’ are problematic double standards

READ: Commentary: When does a touch become unsafe? When a 6-year-old discloses sexual abuse

In Singapore, we are fortunate to have several platforms that help fathers with such skills. The Centre for Fathering (CFF) conducts weekly fathering workshops to empower fathers to strengthen their relationships in the home and address contemporary issues that children face in their growing years.

Fathers are equipped to positively influence children by being involved in their lives, showing them love consistently, being aware of how they feel and think, and nurturing them through affirmation and encouragement.

Through the national Dads for Life movement, a strong emphasis is also made in the community to form father groups throughout Singapore which provide fathers with support and camaraderie. I believe there is much wisdom in shared journeys because that has helped me become a better father and husband.

In showing that we take fatherhood seriously, we would have laid the foundation for our sons, who will in turn go on to be boyfriends, husbands and fathers themselves. 

And perhaps, we will have one less story about a young woman who is abused or a young man whose life is turned upside down.

Bryan Tan is the CEO of DADs for Life and the Centre for Fathering. Formerly a senior officer with the Singapore Armed Forces, he made a mid-career switch to the social service sector to serve fathers and the “fatherless” in our nation. He is happily married to Adriana, and they have three children, Michael, Joshua and Deborah.

SINGAPORE: The Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth (MCCY) will start piloting an increase in the limit of worshippers for congregational and worship services – from 50 people to 100 people – on 12 religious organisations from Friday (Aug 7).  

The move is part of the gradual resumption of religious activities in Phase 2 of Singapore’s circuit breaker reopening, said MCCY in a news release on Monday.

These 12 religious organisations will be allowed to accommodate up to 100 people at any one time for congregational and other worship services, with necessary precautions in place to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

READ: COVID-19 restrictions to further ease for weddings, funerals from Aug 4; more people allowed to attend

“The pilot sites reflect the diversity of religious practices and worship settings in Singapore,” said the ministry, adding that the participating organisations “must have first safely conducted congregational and other worship services for up to 50 persons under the guidelines for Phase 2”.

Besides the prevailing safe management measures introduced at the start of Phase 2, organisations in this pilot will have to put in place additional precautions.

Nine of the 12 religious organisations – churches, mosques and gurdwaras – will have two zones of up to 50 people each for religious services and each zone has to be separated by a physical partition or barrier, said MCCY.

“In worship settings where religious services are structured or seated, these zones will help to minimise interactions between worshippers,” said the ministry. 

“To avoid interaction between worshippers across zones, there should also be separate entrances and exits or staggered entry and exit timings for each zone.” 

These places are: Masjid Assyafaah, Masjid Mujahidin, Masjid Al-Istighfar, Masjid Al-Iman, St Andrew’s Cathedral, Jurong Christian Church, Amazing Grace Presbyterian Church, Sengkang Methodist Church and Central Sikh Temple.

For Buddhist, Taoist and Hindu temples, MCCY said safe management measures should ensure that “no crowding or bunching of worshippers at common areas and in the prayer halls, no mingling between groups, and safe distancing between worshippers”.

MUIS: ADDITIONAL 600 PLACES FOR FRIDAY PRAYERS

In response to the announcement, the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore (MUIS) said it is now able to offer an additional 600 places for Friday prayers from Aug 7 in four mosques: Masjid Assyafaah, Masjid Mujahidin, Masjid Al-Istighfar and Masjid Al-Iman. 

Each mosque will also continue to offer three Friday prayer sessions and priority will be given to Muslims who have not yet been able to secure a prayer slot since the reopening of mosques on Jun 26.

“As such, for the time being, registration will only be allowed for those who have not been able perform Friday prayers in the mosque since the closure of mosques in March 2020,” MUIS added.

“Congregants who managed to obtain a slot for the recent Hari Raya prayers but have not managed to get a slot for Friday prayers may register.”

The remaining 61 mosques currently offering congregational prayer will continue to operate one zone, of up to 50 people at one time, for each session of Friday prayer.

READ: COVID-19: Singapore must be prepared for second wave of infections, ‘preventable’ if everyone plays their part, says Gan Kim Yong

PREVAILING GUIDELINES APPLY

All worshippers must continue to keep a 1m safe distance with others if worshipping individually, or they may worship in groups of no more than five people and keep a safe distance between groups.

Worship services must be kept “as short a duration as possible”, said the ministry, adding that everyone present must wear a face mask at all times. 

Singing and other live performances are not permitted during the worship service and there should be no sharing of prayer and other common items in a religious service, said MCCY. 

“Places of worship with reduced air circulation should, where possible, open doors and windows to naturally ventilate the space after use.”

READ: Worship services may resume with up to 50 people at a time in Phase 2 of Singapore’s reopening

The organisations participating in this pilot must submit their updated safe management plans to the ministry at least three days before commencing the pilot. 

The ministry added it would assess how well these places implement the required safe management measures before deciding on whether to increase the limit on the number of worshippers for other religious organisations.

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SINGAPORE: This year’s National Day Parade will feature a maritime sail-past for the first time in two decades as a tribute to Singapore’s frontline workers.

It will take place at 10.50am on Aug 9 at the Marina South Pier, against the Marina Bay skyline that the parade organising committee said depicts Singapore’s development over the years.

“This year is especially important that we stand in solidarity and pay tribute to all the frontliners,” said RSN’s Commander Task Group Lieutenant-Colonel (LTC) Goh Tan.

“Everybody that plays a significant part to help Singapore get out of this pandemic, I consider them personally a frontline warrior.”

The last NDP sail-past, presided by then-prime minister Goh Chok Tong, took place in 2000 at Marina South. It was a “simple” sail-past featuring Republic of Singapore Navy (RSN) and Police Coast Guard (PCG) vessels against a less developed skyline, LTC Goh said.

This year’s sail-past will comprise 13 vessels from the RSN, PCG, Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF) and Maritime Port Authority of Singapore (MPA).

This is a reflection of the whole-of-government effort in securing Singapore’s waters, the organising committee said.

READ: Singapore to mark 55th birthday amid ‘challenging year’: First look at ‘scaled-down’ NDP 2020

The 13 ships will sail in two parallel columns: The main column for the larger ships and the speedster column for the smaller and swifter vessels.

The main column comprises an RSN landing ship tank, frigate, missile corvette and littoral mission vessel. The PCG’s coastal patrol craft, SCDF’s heavy fire vessel and heavy rescue vessel, as well as an MPA patrol craft complete the line-up.

The speedster column comprises the RSN’s specialised marine craft and combatant craft medium, as well as the PCG’s patrol interdiction boat and SCDF’s rapid response fire vessel.

They will take about 25 minutes to sail east along a 4km stretch of coast from Marina South Pier to Marina Barrage. The speedster column will accelerate towards the end to create a dynamic wave effect.

READ: NDP 2020 flypast to feature 2 state flags over the heartlands for the first time

The vessels, which will sail as close as 1km from land, will also sound their horns for 15 seconds near the end “as an expression of maritime unity and a call for Singaporeans to stand together in solidarity”, the organising committee said.

CHALLENGES

The ships might be going slower than usual but it does not come without challenges. LTC Goh said the sail-past will take place in a usually crowded waterway.

The RSN will also work with MPA to restrict some of these shipping lanes to ensure the vessels can safely enter and exit, he said.

“We (use) the navy simulator to do a series of tabletop exercises to familiarise ourselves with the area of operations, to run through contingency plans and how we execute the plan on the actual day,” he added.

READ: F-15SG fighter jets to fly over Singapore’s heartlands for NDP 2020

RSN Captain (CPT) Jane Tan, a navigation officer aboard the RSS Fearless littoral mission vessel that is taking part in the sail-past, acknowledged that it is “a bit scary” that her ship will be operating closer to other vessels than usual.

The 28-year-old said potentially strong winds that could push vessels dangerously close to shore means sailors have to remain vigilant.

“In a traffic jam, for example, you’re able to slow down and pull brakes, but in the waters you can’t pull brakes,” she added.

“So we have to be very careful, especially when … we’re going at such close proximity with another vessel. We need to know that if this fella goes slower, we will have to stop soon. We have to keep monitoring the proximity.”

PROUD MOMENT

But CPT Tan, whose mother and sister are working as nurses on the frontline, said she is looking forward to the sail-past as a thank you from one frontliner to another.

READ: NDP 2020 mobile column will reach more heartland areas; to pay tribute to frontline and essential workers

“I can’t possible protect Singapore from the outside if Singapore on the inside is crumbling,” she said.

“While they are fighting their own battles, I cannot give much support but I can only tell them do stay strong and I do admire them for hanging on so far.

“And I think that by participating in this maritime sail-past, at least they get to know what I’m doing and how I can protect the nation from the times they don’t see me around.”

PCG Senior Staff Sergeant Siah Yong Cheng, a staff officer for manpower, admin and logistics, said his family is looking forward to seeing him live on TV during the sail-past.

“It should show Singaporeans that they are safe when all the frontliners are doing their job out at sea,” the 35-year-old said.

“Most people don’t know what’s going on out at sea, so I think it’s a good chance to showcase what kind of vessels we have from all different kinds of agencies.”

SINGAPORE: Singapore researchers have developed “electronic skin” capable of recreating a sense of touch, an innovation they hope will allow people with prosthetic limbs to detect objects, as well as feel texture, or even temperature and pain.

The device, dubbed ACES, or Asynchronous Coded Electronic Skin, is made up of 100 small sensors and is about 1 sq cm in size.

The researchers at the National University of Singapore said it can process information faster than the human nervous system, is able to recognise 20 to 30 different textures and can read Braille letters with more than 90 per cent accuracy.

“So humans need to slide to feel texture, but in this case the skin, with just a single touch, is able to detect textures of different roughness,” said research team leader Benjamin Tee, adding that AI algorithms let the device learn quickly.

A demonstration showed the device could detect that a squishy stress ball was soft, and determine that a solid plastic ball was hard.

“When you lose your sense of touch, you essentially become numb… and prosthetic users face that problem,” said Tee.

“So by recreating an artificial version of the skin, for their prosthetic devices, they can hold a hand and feel the warmth and feel that it is soft, how hard are they holding the hand,” said Tee.

Tee said the concept was inspired by a scene from the Star Wars movie trilogy in which the character Luke Skywalker loses his right hand and it is replaced by a robotic one, seemingly able to experience touch sensations again.

The technology is still in the experimental stage, but there has been “tremendous interest”, especially from the medical community, Tee added.

Similar patents developed by his team include a transparent skin that can repair itself when torn and a light-emitting material for wearable electronic devices, Tee said.