They have been accused of being Peeping Toms, child molesters and a nuisance to the public.
But brothers Andren Ma, 19, and Jason Ma, 20, are none of those. They are autistic.
Their mother, Madam Wong Ngan Yue, 52, tells The New Paper on Sunday: “Caring for two autistic children is very stressful.
“I had to quit my job (as a shipping co-ordinator) because it was too tiring juggling work and family.”
Madam Wong now spends her time at home caring for her sons.
She is married to an engineering executive and they have another son, Winston, 21, who is a chemistry student at the National University of Singapore.
Madam Wong says: “I worry (Andren and Jason) might get into trouble with the public as there is so much stigma against autistic people.”
She is among a community of parents here who struggle with the challenges of taking care of their grown-up children with autism, which is characterised by difficulties in socialisation and communication.
VIRAL
A week ago, a Facebook post by Ms Choo Kah Ying, an autism and wellness educator, went viral after she recounted an incident in which her 20-year-old autistic son was detained by the police for his behaviour.
Madam Wong says even though her middle son Jason is an adult, she is afraid to let him out alone as his behaviour might get him in trouble with strangers who are unaware of his condition.
She explains: “He gets excited when he sees young children. He likes to kiss and touch them as a way of showing affection.”
Madam Wong recounts a violent incident when he was 14 – he was at a park with his brothers when he spotted a young girl, and proceeded to touch her head.
His action enraged the girl’s father, who was beside her.
Madam Wong says: “The man yanked (Jason’s) hair and shouted at him to apologise.
“When (Winston) told me about it, I was really hurt. (Jason) knows how to behave when I am around. It worries me to know that he might get in trouble with strangers when I am not around.”
Mr Jason Ma attends Eden School, which is for students with autism. He takes a school bus and is dropped off at his void deck every day.
Madam Wong says she had previously tried letting him be independent , but things did not go smoothly.
She says: “There was a period of time where I tried letting him take the lift up by himself.
“But a few months later, a neighbour from the opposite block told me he was loitering outside her home and stealing her slippers.
“I was so afraid that he might get in more trouble that I went back to picking him up from the void deck.”
Madam Wong’s younger son Andren attends Pathlight School, another school for autistic students.
POLICE STATION
He was four when he ended up in a police station alone.
Madam Wong says: “He walked out of the playgroup centre on his own and wandered around the streets until someone took him to a nearby police station.
“That was when I knew he might be different, just like his older brother.”
When Madam Wong found out that her youngest son was autistic as well, she broke down.
“I was still learning how to care for my first autistic child, let alone a second one. Even when I think about it now, I still get teary,” she says.
A typical day now for Madam Wong involves cleaning the flat, cooking for the family and picking up her two autistic sons after the school bus drops them off.
She says: “I cannot go on holidays because I have to settle their meals. Jason is not able to buy food on his own and I try to keep a close eye on him at every moment.”
She adds: “I am used to being so busy these days.”
Once a week, she brushes Mr Jason Ma’s teeth for him.
She explains: “I am afraid he might get tooth decay because he does not brush his teeth very thoroughly.
Her eldest son Winston says he admires his mother’s strength and love for her children.
He says: “She has been through so much. If I were in her shoes, I do not think I will be able to do half the things she does.
Her son put his fingers in stranger’s mee goreng
When Madam Aw Bee Koon takes her autistic son Zachary Lim, 17, out for meals, she often keeps a close eye on him as he has a habit of staring closely at other people’s food.
Madam Aw, 51, a pharmacist, says whenever it happens, she worries that people will lash out at him.
She recalls one incident where she had to face an irate man after Zachary stuck his fingers into the man’s plate of mee goreng before walking away.
Speaking to The New Paper on Sunday, she recounts: “The man said, ‘Do you know what your son did? Buy me a new bowl, I am not going to eat this.'”
Zachary, a student at Pathlight School, was behind his mother when the drama ensued.
She says: “I apologised and explained that my son is autistic. I said I would buy him another plate of mee goreng, but he was still furious.
“It was only when I was queueing for his food that he calmed down and apologised for his outburst.”
Madam Aw is married to an information technology director, and they also have a 19-year-old daughter, who is studying at Nanyang Technological University.
She says it is challenging having Zachary out with them on family outings.
She says: “When we are at restaurants, he tends to spin around or peer closely at other people’s food.
“We get smiles from understanding people. But other times, we get disgusted looks.”
She wishes people would be more accepting of older children with autism.
She explains: “People tend to be more forgiving towards autistic children than autistic teenagers.”
UNDETERRED
Madam Aw says she will still take Zachary out to public places as it will help him adjust better to other people.
“I want him to be desensitised to public spaces so that he can learn how to behave appropriately,” says Madam Aw.
“Some families might feel ashamed for taking their children with special needs out.
“But taking them out shows people that autistic people exist, and that they should be accepted.”
When asked what she wishes for her son, she says: “My aim for him is that he will be independent one day.
“I hope he will be able to buy his own meals and go out on his own.
“In the meantime, I will love him no matter what.”
Couple misread son’s intentions
Her autistic son’s obsession with opening car doors recently landed him in trouble.
Ms Choo Kah Ying recounted in a Facebook post that she was at Bishan Park on May 7 with her son Sebastien for him to go skating.
The 20-year-old was doing laps around the park as Ms Choo waited for him.
While doing the laps, he approached parked cars and fiddled with the doors.
A couple misread his actions and contacted the police.
Ms Choo, who is in her 40s, wrote: “When the police approached to talk to him, Sebastien moved away.”
When the police reached out, he reacted aggressively.
Ms Choo said: “That was when they handcuffed him and put him in a police car.”
In her post, Ms Choo expressed her frustration at the lack of understanding of people with special needs.
“While one can just dismiss this episode as a lesson learnt and my opportunity to educate the policemen (who turned out to be nice and apologetic) and work with them to avoid future incidents, I knew we got lucky that no one got hurt, but I shudder to know when our luck would run out.”
Her post has since garnered more than 3,000 shares.
Interacting with autistic grown-ups
They are adults but with autism they may not behave like one.
Those with severe autism may not even be able to speak, and they can get aggressive and violent if put under stress.
Dr Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist at Gleneagles Hospital, says it is important to know how to communicate with someone with autism.
He says talking patiently to an autistic person who is acting aggressively can defuse the situation.
He tells The New Paper on Sunday: “If there is no imminent danger, do not use physical force. Instead, try talking and listening to how the person responds. It might help you get an inkling of whether the person has special needs.
“If talking one-on-one does not work, get more people to surround the person. It might calm him down and make him more self-aware of his anger.”
Ms Denise Phua, president of the Autism Resource Centre, says there is still a lot to be done when it comes to autism awareness here.
Ms Phua, who is also MP for Jalan Besar GRC, says: “I fully empathise with Kah Ying and Sebastien.”
“This incident shows there is more that can be done as a society in terms of awareness and training.
“But it will take the effort and resolve of all of us – government agencies, schools, families, voluntary welfare organisations and members of the public who will take action with us by joining awareness events such as The Purple Parade.”
Five tips for interacting with someone who has autism, according to the Autism Resource Centre:
– Visually show or write what you want to say
– Speak clearly
– Pause to allow time for response
– Remember that each individual is unique and may act differently from others
– Give praise to reinforce good actions
This article was first published on May 15, 2016.
Get The New Paper for more stories.
