SINGAPORE – Unity was at the heart of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s National Day message today (Aug 8).

Recorded at Safra Punggol and broadcast on television at 6.45pm, the Prime Minister reminded Singaporeans how “rare and precious” social harmony was in the face of terror threats and growing uncertainty.

These threats have divided society and caused instability in many other countries, PM said, but added that the result for Singapore can be different.

If you missed the speech, here are four highlights below:

1) Will Singapore fall apart if terrorists attack?

Refering to ISIS perpetrated attacks around the world and region, PM Lee said that Singapore was also being targeted. Last weekend, it was reported that a group from Batam had planned to attack Singapore’s Marina Bay with rockets, but their plans were uncovered and foiled before they could take action.

“If a terrorist attack were to occur here, will we stand together, or will we fall apart?” the PM asked.

Trust among those in the nation’s multi-religious society is key, he says.

Not only are Muslim Singaporeans not afraid to condemn terrorist attacks, non-Muslim Singaporeans can also distinguish clearly between their peaceful Muslim fellow citizens and jihadist terrorists.

2) Battling uncertain economy

Acknowledging the worries of the working population here, PM Lee said that industries are being forced to innovate or perish. Addressing such pressures, he asked: “Can we continue to progress together, and share widely the fruits of growth? Will our children have a brighter future?”

The Government is investing in every Singaporean through various means, including expanding and upgrading preschools, and encouraging skills upgrading via the SkillsFuture scheme.

On the business front, firms are encouraged to improve and innovate through R&D, so that new jobs can be created in a changing world economy.

Socially, safety nets have been strengthened through the Pioneer Generation Package, Workfare, MediShield Life, CPF Life and Silver Support.

“We will ensure that our schemes are sustainable, because our children must not be burdened with debt,” he said.

3) Maintaining political stability

While Singapore is now known for having a good and stable government, PM Lee said society is changing, and warned that its unity will come under new strains.

To ensure good government, Singapore’s political system has been updated and kept constructive, he said, citing the involvement of citizens in problem-solving and building a future economy; the creation of more SMCs; as well as improvements being considered for the elected Presidency.

4) Unity the most important factor

Although Singaporeans today share common spaces, and celebrate one another’s festivals, such peace was not prevalent 51 years ago.

“Never forget how rare and precious this harmony is, how much courage and toil went into creating it, and how much effort it takes to sustain this miracle. What we have here is remarkable, especially considering the state of the world today,” he said.

The Prime Minister said in his speech that the “most fundamental factor in keeping Singapore exceptional is not good plans or adequate resources; it is whether we remain united”.

Unity, he added, was “more than a warm, fuzzy feeling. It’s the iron resolve to hold together, despite the challenges, despite the sacrifices we have to make”.

The determination to be a united people drove Singapore’s stability over the past 51 years, and it should continue to persevere in the next 50 years, he said.

ljessica@sph.com.sg

Only 12, but he wanted to kill himself.

Tim (not his real name) had failed to enter his desired stream in his primary school.

The disappointment sent him into a downward spiral and his confused parents took him to see a counsellor, thinking he was simply being naughty and rebellious.

They did not know he wanted to end his life.

Fortunately, they got help in time and the counsellor was able to help Tim give up on suicide and to take another shot at life.

Tim had been achieving examination results in the 70 to 80s range, but this fell short of his parents’ expectations.

He was also inundated with tuition and enrichment activities like art classes.

The accumulated stress and disappointment at having thought that he failed his parents became too much for him to handle.

Mr Daniel Koh, a psychologist at Insights Mind Centre, said the boy underwent counselling to get him through his Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE).

PRESSURE

Mr Koh said parental pressure and the child’s own high expectations can lead children to feelings of disappointment and failure.

He has seen more 11- and 12-year-olds seeking help for suicidal ideation.

He and his team worked with Tim’s parents to teach them how to offer the necessary support and guidance.

Tim and his parents eventually tempered their expectations for his PSLE results and he is now settled in a secondary school.

Mr Koh said: “If the child cannot recover from past failures, the stress can accumulate.

“Disappointment pushes them over the limit.

“No (enrichment) activity is for fun any more.

Anything the child touches needs to reach a certain standard.

“What the child and parents want may exceed (the child’s) own capabilities.”

The transition from childhood to adolescence is also a tough one.

Psychologist Frances Yeo of Thomson Medical Centre said that parents may not understand that the teenage years are stressful because on top of academic work, their bodies are experiencing hormonal changes.

She said: “Those years are also spent trying to figure themselves out.

“Compared to the early 2000s, computer and technology play a bigger role.

“Social media was not as pervasive then.

“Previously, we did not encounter cases of teens being so focused on computers and neglecting studies, or cases of cyberbullying.”

Mr William Toh, 50, who has two children, aged 17 and 11, believes it is important to guide one’s children without imposing expectations on them.

Mr Toh, who is the co-founder of parenting website KiasuParents, said: “Parents have to balance freedom with responsibility, to get your kids to trust you and talk to you.”

On the mistakes he may have made, he said: “Maybe I’ve given too much guidance to the point where (my children) believe I’m making (them) walk in my footsteps.”

He added: “Sometimes we do not recognise we are putting pressure on children.

“What we feel is the right path for them may not be what they can or want to achieve.

“At the end of the day, parents must learn to let go.”

Mr Toh told TNP he had sent his children for activities including piano and fencing and had let his son drop fencing when he lost interest.

He then introduced him to taekwondo instead and his son earned a black belt.

He encouraged his daughter’s interest in languages, and accepted that she was less inclined towards mathematics.

Mr Toh added: “Let (children) develop their own interests.

“Parents should understand what children want and take steps to help them achieve that goal.”

Expert: Kids need to know they are loved

A positive home environment with involved parents can help children manage stress and prevent the development of harmful behaviour, experts say.

A parenting specialist from Focus on the Family, Ms Sarah Chua, said: “Research indicates that a sense of parent-family connectedness is one of the most effective protections against suicidal behaviour among young people.”

From her experience in running family programmes, Ms Chua has realised that teenagers may need as much support as toddlers, but may not be able to verbalise their needs properly.

On how parents should communicate with their children, she said: “Look for opportunities to talk with – not talk to – your teen.”

Ms Chua emphasised that parents should avoid transferring anxiety to their children.

She said: “Parents can be a lifeline to their children…

“Don’t criticise, express anger, assign blame or share personal anxieties at this point.

“Instead, be a source of unconditional love, compassion and support, gain their confidence and trust.”

REASSURANCE

Ms Chua added that parents should reassure their children that their love is unconditional.

She said: “Ultimately, children need to know they are loved not because they are performing, but in spite of anything and everything they do – and don’t do.”

Mr Edwin Choy, 54, co-founder and director of the Centre for Fathering in Singapore, said that children with involved fathers tend to cope with stress better.

He said fathers should lend an ear to their troubled children to build a healthy communication channel.

Mr Choy said: “Children experiencing stress need a nurturing adult to discuss their struggles with.

“A father who spends lots of time with children will be more likely to identify signs of stress.

When that involved father is also approachable, it can facilitate honest disclosures.”

S’pore’s suicide cases in 2016

2,680

Calls to the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) hotline from those aged 10 to 19

33.3 per cent

Of such calls were classified as calls with suicide risk.

Another 36.3 per cent were crisis calls where the caller may be going through a highly stressful life event or situation which requires emotional support.

These are individuals who are susceptible to developing suicide risk.

27

Reported cases of suicide among those aged 10 to 19

13

Reported cases in 2014

(Source: Samaritans of Singapore)

Helplines

Samaritans of Singapore (24-hour hotline): 1800-221-4444

Tinkle Friend: 1800-2744-788

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Care Corner Counselling Centre (in Mandarin): 1800-3535-800

This article was first published on August 8, 2016.
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After a road accident in Thailand last October left him paralysed from the neck down, Mr Muhammad Haikal Johari worked hard to get back on his feet.

The 39-year-old still needs to use a wheelchair, but he has regained partial control of his body.

And he is making a splash in the culinary circles.

The executive chef is part of the team that helped Alma by Juan Amador earn a Michelin star when the Michelin Guide Singapore was launched last month.

His wife, Madam Rafiqah Soh, also 39, let on that he was already “back at work” even when he was still warded at the National University Hospital’s (NUH) Rehabilitation Centre at Senja.

He was discharged in May.

“Before he was discharged from the rehab centre, he had started working on the menu at Alma, just not physically,” she told The New Paper.

Mr Haikal, who was an executive chef for the Water Library group in Bangkok, was involved in a motorcycle accident in Pattaya last October.

All he remembers of the accident was waking up in hospital after he left on his Yamaha R1 superbike to head to a bike circuit.

Click on thumbnail to view photos. Source: 

Berita Harian, The New Paper, Muhammad Haikal Johari

OPPORTUNITY

His former boss in Thailand, who is a partner in Alma, was instrumental in giving him the opportunity to run the Spanish restaurant here.

He had visited Mr Haikal in Singapore to ask him if he would prefer to be based here instead of returning to Bangkok after his recovery.

Mr Haikal jumped at the chance, but remains in charge of the restaurants in Bangkok, too.

He believes that fate had a hand in how things worked out for him and sees a silver lining in the accident.

“If I were still in Bangkok, this Michelin star would not have happened to me.

“I had been working (in Bangkok) for more than 10 years, and that is what I was praying for – to be the first Malay chef to get a Michelin star.

“But it would not have happened, if not for the (accident),” he told TNP.

“So I am not actually complaining too much,” he joked.

In April, TNP reported on Mr Haikal’s fight to recover.

His high cervical nerves on his spinal cord had been damaged, leaving him paralysed from the neck down.

He was unable to speak and relied on a ventilator to breathe.

With daily physiotherapy sessions at NUH, he slowly regained some movement in his legs.

Now, he can get up from the wheelchair to walk as long as someone supports his body.

RECOVERY

So, with his wife’s help, he conquers a small flight of steps six days a week at Goodwood Park Hotel – the only way to enter the restaurant.

With a chuckle, Mr Haikal said: “I have to do it, no choice.

“Goodwood Park Hotel is a heritage building. There are no ramps.”

He can also move his right hand again.

“Each day brings a lot of recovery.

“Previously, (my right hand) was just dead, but now it’s moving.

“I can shake hands with people… It’s a little weak, but still, you know, it’s a lot of recovery,” he said.

Once he enters the kitchen, Mr Haikal sits in his wheelchair in a corner and watches his culinary team like a hawk.

Madam Soh, who used to be a housewife, is now always by his side to see to his need whenever he is at work.

“I give directions (to the team) like I’m the one (preparing the food)…

“I look out for what is unusual, like customers complaining,” he said.

But his inability to be hands-on sometimes overwhelms him with a mix of helplessness and frustration, especially when the kitchen gets busy

“If I were physically fit, I think it would help (the team) a lot more.

“Things can be done much faster.

“I just wish that one day, I will get so frustrated that my body will just tell me to get up, walk, and do it,” Mr Haikal said.

Until then, all he does is take a deep breath, pray, and be thankful.

“I am thankful to God that (my condition) is not worse than it is because I have seen worse,” he said.

It is 1.30am by the time the couple get home after work and clean up,

“Most of the nights are pretty tiring, not just for me but also for my wife because she is there every day with me…

“Many people tell me I need to have a good rest, but work is often at the back of my mind.

“I won’t say it is pressure, but you think you are your old self and you can do many things at one go.

“But the body is no longer the same. It needs more rest than before,” he said.

There are days when Mr Haikal wakes up thinking that he has recovered, only to be disappointed.

“When I realise I have spasms early in the morning, and I cannot control my body, it is a reality check.

“Of course, reality can be quite cruel. But it also humbles you,” he said.

Does he think he can walk again without needing help?

With steely eyes, he said: “Yes, I can.”

Wife grateful despite accident

Madam Rafiqah Soh admitted that she much prefers the lifestyle she had before her husband’s accident.

“I was not working, was caring for my children full time, and had my own lifestyle.

“I could go out to exercise.

“Now, I am following him everywhere he goes. There is not much of me-time left,” the 39-year-old said.

Her husband, Mr Muhammad Haikal Johari, also 39, works six days a week at Spanish restaurant Alma by Juan Amador despite being mostly wheelchair-bound.

But do not get her wrong – Madam Soh is happy for her husband.

Recalling seeing her husband in hospital after the accident, unable to respond and staring blankly, she said: “I’m actually grateful that he has reached this stage.

“At this moment, it is considered quite a fast recovery.”

If there is one thing that has not changed since the accident, it is Mr Haikal’s workaholic nature, Madam Soh told The New Paper with a laugh.

“We have known each other since we were 18.

“We dated for seven years before we got married. I understand his work attitude.

“He is just like his mum.

“They always feel that it is not nice to reject other people. They think they can do everything that is asked of them,” she said.

Although Madam Soh thinks the newly-awarded Michelin star is encouragement for her husband, she feels he is not getting the rest he needs.

INDEPENDENCE

Calling him stubborn, she said: “When I tell him (to rest), he will say, ‘But I still got a lot of things to see’, or ‘I still need to plan the menu’, or ‘It’s a very crucial period and all these things must be done’.

“There are many things on his mind.”

Madam Soh longs for the day Mr Haikal is more independent so they can pay more attention to their son, eight, and daughter, 13.

The children leave for school early in the day and are asleep by the time the couple get home.

“When he becomes more independent, we can spend more time together in different ways, not just ferrying him to work.

“We can have more family bonding,” said Madam Soh.

This article was first published on August 8, 2016.
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