Dear Thelma,
I have fallen in love with a woman who does not know that I exist. I noticed her on social media and she is a celebrity from China.
I am not sure whether I’m using the word “love” correctly here but I can’t stop thinking about her.
It all started when I watched her variety shows on social media and admired her photos. In one video, she talked about her life when she was young and I fell in love with her. She has a very attractive energy about her and her positive personality has attracted me.
I know that a relationship with her is probably impossible but I can’t get her out of my head.
Could it be that I feel this way because I have never known a woman like her in my life?
I think that until I meet a woman who is better than she is, no one will be able to substitute her place in my heart.
Do you think that I am mature enough and have the emotional stability to be in a relationship? If not, how can I improve?
– Need Advice
Dear Need Advice,
The celebrity you see in interviews and performances is a professional. She has a team who helps her create a likeable and marketable persona. The aim is to get viewers like you to like her as this would put her in more shows. It’s a business.
I’m not saying that it’s totally false; the attractive funny girl you see is a part of her everyday person. However, what you are looking at is a very carefully timed and professionally polished presentation that involves hours of personal styling on top of years of training – you know where I’m going with this, right?
You are fascinated by an illusion.
Where should you take this? Well, the one thing you must do is to recognise your feelings for what they are. It’s OK to have a crush on a celebrity. After all, a lot has gone into creating that sweet package. As long as you don’t mistake your longing for this idealistic presentation as real, you can simply enjoy it.
The thing is, your celebrity crush has highlighted a need in your personal life that needs addressing. It sounds as though you are lonely, and you’re looking for a partner.
Are you mature enough for a relationship? I have no idea how old you are. If you’re over 18, then the answer is yes. If you are under 18, then you should have more relationships with the provision that you leave the sexual part of it until you are an adult.
Either way, your crush has shown you the kind of partner you want. From your description, I would say that you want someone who is cheerful, happy, and with a sense of humour. That’s easy enough as there are lots of people just like that.
You should take another look at the actress and ask yourself what other qualities you see in her that you like, and add them to your “nice to have” list.
On top of that, successful relationships tend to be the ones where you share the same values and want similar things out of life. That will take some deep thinking, and a bit of time.
You may also want to start dating casually. Go out for coffee, join a club, and set up a good social life for yourself. Make lots of friends, and explore your own needs and feelings. When dating, you will discover what makes you happy, what are deal- breakers, and exactly what you want from your love life.
If you’re too shy to do this on your own, talk to your friends and family and get them to help you. Emphasise that it’s purely casual; as you’re not certain about your needs, you’re not looking for a lifelong relationship just yet.
Have fun, relax and be yourself and in time you’ll meet the perfect person for you. Be happy, and do let me know how you get on. – Thelma
